What to say...

What to say. I am not possessive. That’s not me at all. I am not jealous. I don’t feel that way. It’s just that I felt bad. I don’t mind when she talks to someone else.

I just felt bad. I like to talk. Sometimes at night. Sometimes during day. But why is it that at night she is always sleepy?

She says that she is like this. That as soon as she goes back to her room, she wants to sleep.

Really?

Because many a times, going by her words I have not disturbed her. But going to her neighbor’s room, another friend, I realize that she is either on phone or someone is there sitting with her and talking.

Still I don’t mind all this. They are all small issues. These things are possible. I know that and understand that. There can always be an important call, or an important discussion.

But then I can't understand it the way she reasons. We used to talk when we shared the room. Talk for a good amount of time. Ok... when we felt like sleeping, we slept, not disturbing each other, but we have been awake for long hours as well.

I don’t know. I might be talking nonsense as well. And yes she even said that. Not once but quiet a few times when I had wanted to talk to her after work.

“Important baat hai to theek hai, warna mujhe neend aa rahi hai.”

I understand her (to a good extent, I believe) But why can’t she???

I don’t know anything serious on my fingertips. I take my time. I need to talk, to listen, and then maybe speak my heart.

I DON’T KNOW WHATS IN THERE. IN MY HEART. I need help to find that out. And I need trusted people to help me do that.

But she is busy – working, talking, sleeping, or something else that I may have missed.

Why do I go after her. People might think of various reasons. But its mainly because I want to find myself. Discover myself. Which unfortunately, I cannot do on my own. But I guess I go too much after her. Bug her too much. You know what, if I like somebody, or maybe even love somebody, I give that person full space.

Leave them alone. Never be possessive. Never be jealous. But always keep a watch from the corner of your eye.

That’s what I thought I did here as well.

But now I doubt myself. Possessiveness is not for me. Jealousy is not for me.

And if I am doing that, I am getting away from her.