Will I ever know myself??

Let me see life as it comes
Let me see life as it goes
I follow its path, making my own
Just as leaf in a river flows

I struggle, in an angry ocean
Trying to learn swimming
In that heat of the moment
Making my own decisions, never once whimming

I play cricket, the ball is soccer
Using the bat for a home run
And with the money I bet on others and myself,
I know how to have fun

The driving is steady, in the rashness of the moment
The volume is high on the speakers
You see, even I don't know where
But in some deep corner of my heart, there is a secret keeper

Will I ever know myself??
Is something even I don't know
Because the way I live my life
Is just an irrational flow


The beauty in my eyes is something I don't see
What happened to that nose, eyes or lips
Don't think too much
As they are definitely not better than a woman's hips

Will I ever find myself,
I have to see
Because I may be a bit of a something in this world,
But there is still that I am yet to be

How should I end this para, or story or an ode
I ask like a nincompoop
I don't know what I have written and why
But the words don't even stand like a troop

I can't even search my mind, my heart, my soul
They are lost somewhere inside me
Searching for them is such a pain in the ass
But I don't want to let it be

I will have to find a solution, sooner of later
Cause conflicts may arise sometime in future
This me not knowing myself is an issue
For which I need to find a tutor

Abhay